Sorry for the Silence (I’m Really Saving You)

No, really.  I am sorry for the silence.  It’s been, I think, over two weeks since my last post?  I know.  I had been writing at least once a week, if not more, and I was pretty proud of that.  However…

Gabbie has decided to start acting like a newborn again, at least when it comes to bedtime and sleeping.  She’s not going to bed easily, and she’s been getting up once or twice almost every night for the last three weeks.  She wants you to rock her to sleep–or she wants to curl up around your head, as you contort your adult-sized body into increasingly awkward angles leaning over the railing of her toddler bed.  Usually, when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she wants to same thing, only you are much, much more tired, and your patience is much, much thinner.  (Also, often you have to pee, to which she is not amenable.)

Maddie has also been on a bit of a behavioral bender, which isn’t made any easier by the fact that her parents aren’t getting any sleep.  Plus, Jon had a conference, I’ve had several random things going on, and Rock Chalk Ball was finally this last weekend, so it’s been busy, and we’ve been tired, and this hasn’t put me in the best headspace.

Often, in the past, I’ve written through these things–complaining about what fun-punishers my kids are, whining about how parenting sometimes sucks, bemoaning the unpredictable tempest that is a young child’s emotional state, but this time, I just couldn’t.  First of all, I don’t want people to think that all I do is complain about my kids and parenting.  I don’t want to be that person, and I sometimes feel like I come off that way.  Secondly, lack of sleep turns my brain to mush–basically, it takes everything I’ve got just to function at a somewhat normal level throughout the day, and there’s just not much useful that’s left come 8:15 or so (more like 9 some nights recently, by the time we finally got la Gabs to go to sleep).  Thirdly, this forced insomnia tends to make me pretty negative.  I have trouble seeing past the brain fog and the irritation and finding anything remotely good or interesting about anything.  It reminds me of Gabbie’s infant days, when I actually dreaded the evenings, literally feeling afraid of my baby because you just never knew what she was going to throw at you.  It is a very day-by-day sort of existence, and it doesn’t leave room for much else.

So, rather than subject you all to one of my grumpy rants, I chose to just sit this one out.  I apologize to the five of you who actually look forward to new content, and I promise I’m going to try to get something more interesting up in the next few days.  In the meantime, I’m sharing a picture of Rock Chalk Ball 2014, during which I had six or so hours to act like a worry-free adult.*

This year's theme was "Jayhawks and Juleps" which explains the Derby-esque head gear.  Obviously, when going full frivolity, it's best to take two of your best gals along, too.  (Also, considering the lack of sleep, think about the amount of concealer represented in this picture..._

This year’s theme was “Jayhawks and Juleps” which explains the Derby-esque head gear. Obviously, when going full frivolity, it’s best to take two of your best gals along, too. (Also, considering the lack of sleep, think about the amount of concealer represented in this picture…) 

I was about to close this out with an “Until next time, A”, but in the spirit of full-disclosure, you should know that this is now the third time that I’ve tried to finish and post this damn thing.  I’ve had to take three breaks to go up and soothe.  Yes, it is after 9 p.m., and she just went to bed.  We started the bedtime routine at 7:45…  My kingdom for a nanny, you guys.

Sweet dreams (pleasefortheloveofallthatisholy),

A